Reflections

Well, we are just finishing up the last bits of our outreach and I'm totally ready to come back home in 3 weeks!

I'm still seeking God about what comes next... however, I know its not going to be sitting around vegetating in the box of an average american life anymore. Being out here, and moving in passion to what God has called me to, and being his tool wherever he might lead me... That brings far more joy and peace to my soul than any comfortable life could. (and yet the funny thing is, comfort doesn't mean happiness... all I've ever found was an unsettling feeling in my soul like there is more to life, like everything is a pointless waste of time). To me the most important thing in life is God, and being with the people I love. Everything else in this world is vain and pointless... because like the rest of this world and this life, it will all fade away. And it will go by as fast as a breath. Man's first breath enters his lungs at birth, and he exhales his last breath when he dies. The old man lies on his death bead, and as breathes his last, I imagine he realizes that's just what it was, a breath in and a breath out. The rest in between was just a blur...

It's quite like a hamster maze that goes in circles, and no matter how hard the hamster tries, it will never find the end because there isn't one. And the sad thing is, the hamster doesn't realize his own situation, or the fact that it is living in a made up world of plastic and walls that spans about 24" by 24". The only way that hamster is going to find out its predicament is if a hand reaches in and pulls it out so that it can see the world around it. Then what if that giant hand sets the hamster down outside of its cage and gives it a chance to choose for itself? And if that the hamster sees and feels the real world around it, will it choose the only thing its ever known up until this point? Plastic and walls? Or, will it take the other option now set before it? A world of reality, yet uncertainty... the only thing familiar now being the giant hand? Then what if that giant hand gives the hamster a third option? Instead of venturing into the unknown world alone... what if the hand offers to carry the hamster and guide it as it steps into a realm it never knew could exist?

I felt like an old man. I felt like 'butter spread over too much bread'. I saw the world for what it really was, and couldn't settle for plastic anymore. Its like when you really love junk food as a child and then your mum tells you white bread is really no better for you than cardboard, and that margarine is one molecule away from plastic. Somehow it doesn't taste quite as good anymore. Suddenly the french fries at McDonald's start to taste a little like Windex.
In the same way, the world that once filled my mind with wonder as a child became very dull and dark, and all the work I did wasted my life away with each passing day. The adventurous young man I once was was gone. The same guy who walked by the shady alley ways hoping for some hooligan to pop out and try to jump him, became the guy who now only wanted to enjoy the clouds as they passed by, and listen to the trees filled with sounds of melodious birds in the morning. Instead of drawing sketches of heroic bloody battles in the medieval times, I was now craving to draw daisies and dandelions. I finally began to hate this life so much that the only thing I wanted anymore was heaven, and perhaps to spend time with my loved ones while i'm still here on earth. I didn't belong to any work environment at all, nothing could satisfy my true purpose anymore... I was ruined for this world. No more 24" plastic boxes filled with endless mazes.
So the hamster jumped into that rather large appendage of a hand, and found itself quite refreshed with the idea that it wasn't surrounded by plastic anymore.
That young man who felt like 'butter spread over too much bread' no longer felt like an old man. His soul was satisfied with true peace and happiness, and he found himself to be adventuring in a way he never imagined he would.

And so now, as the unsightly sight of plastic approaches once again like an island in the distant fog, I dread it as much as I dread the idea of chewing on a box of crayons.

Child

Previously, I explained how glum it is to walk down the street here in Tokyo, and how depressed the people were. One thing I didn't mention was the pure silence that pierces the city air. You would think silence is a good thing, aaahh... peace and quiet. But this silence is different.

Here in Tokyo, it is looked down on to be disruptive of the "WA" (harmony), so people maintain a very noticeable silence. In the streets, on the train, the crosswalks, everywhere you go, there are so many people in their dark business suits and briefcases, not a smile in sight. (Every once and awhile there will be a nice old lady with a smile, but its rare.) When you go on the train, every individual, whether sitting or standing, stares off into space like a zombie. Half of them are sleeping, and half of those are sleeping while standing. Not a peep, not a noise. All of them are depressed.

The silence here isn't peaceful, its oppressed.

However, as I look out the window, I hear a faint noise coming down the street. I hear giggling and laughter! What is this rare occurrence in such a deathly silence? It was the children! Two young little japanese boys were running down the street, one was chasing the other. I looked and saw their faces, so happy and innocent, eyes bright with wonderment. This made me think to myself.

These young souls were untouched with depression, untouched by the corruption of the world. Their eyes see the world around them with a sense of wonder, a world of discovery, a world to explore. Their hearts are not perfect, by any means, as we know a child can be a major handful. But there is a certain softness, a certain openness, a certain light that shines on them.

It makes you wonder, is that the way we were all originally meant to be? As life drags on are we tainted more and more with dullness, with a closed off heart?

Matt 19:14

But Jesus said, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these."

Matt 18:3

Then he said, "I assure you, unless you turn from your sins and become as little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of heaven."

I can see this even in a place where the people are so quiet and empty. The children walk down the street and its almost like the entire place is lit up. So happy, so excited, ready to have fun, minds uncorrupted by the adult world, philosophies or ways of thinking. Just raw emotions and desires.

We, as believers, are God's children, and he has prepared a place for us. A place where we can live as the souls he made us to be. We will be pure, and free from worry.

Update

So its been awhile since my last post...

This training period has been very interesting to say the least. Everyday we walk about 30 minutes from the house to the church we meet in for lectures and worship. Along the way, we walk past many japanese homes and businesses. There are ALOT of people walking around, going about their daily lives, and they all seem so glum.

Japan is about the size of California. California has about 36 million people in it, and the population is mostly spread out. Japan has about 127 million people in it and most of the population is clumped together in one region. So when I say alot of people walking around, I mean it.

Luckily, these people have such an idea of respect and they live in such harmony with each other, that this crammed situation actually works. Yet each person here struggles with identity. Sometimes two friends will walk together at the train station, and one of them will just jump out in front of a train for no apparent reason. In fact the one friend will say that the other was unusually happy and cheerful up to that point, and had no idea why his friend would jump in front of the train.

I want to share God's love with these people, I want them to be free from their culture's traditions so that they can understand they have a Father in heaven who cares about them.

A Samurai's Mentality

Imagine with me for a second:

Tonight you will be walking in a beautiful garden. The air is fresh and warm. Not too warm, not too cold.
A wonderful fragrance fills the air, and all the plants around you reflect with their soft beauty, the fact that they have grown in the midst of this sweet air. Soft clouds float accross the sky and a heavenly light shines through. It takes your breath away. Infact as you breath, there isn't an ounce of difficulty. The air is flawless. Then you realize you almost can't even feel your body. It almost feels like a dream but you know it isnt. Your steps feel as light as a feather, and you lift your arm and you realize your body is glowing. You feel so pure. You try to remember what happened earlier today but you can't remember... infact nothing about yesterday comes to mind either. Yet somehow, you dont care anymore. This place is like nothing you've ever felt before.... You could here forever, and nothing of your past even matters, good or bad. Such a pure world, such an innocent world. A world of light, a world of freedom and happiness.

Would you be happy if you knew that was going to happen tonight? I would.
The funny thing is, it very well could happen tonight.


The samurai were known for their meditation on death. A samurai did not fear death, he welcomed it. Every day was lived as if he was to die that day.
They were fearless in battle, unmoved by the concept of pain or death. They lived to die.


There was a place, another realm, a place even the samurai did not know existed. A place of unimagined peace, free from all worries. A place to run free, a place of unmatched beauty, a place always filled with a wonderful fragrance. A place where light never grows short, a place of soft winds and peaceful forests. Things exist in this place that no man has ever seen before. Nothing exists that is corrupt. Haven't we all heard of this place before? Its something we kind of glaze over now. Its just a thing of obvious knowledge. The thought of it almost grows dull, like a dream far off.
I TELL YOU RIGHT NOW THAT THIS PLACE IS REAL. Wake up! Snap out of it! The place you live in now is a dream. And what a sick, disgusting dream it is. The place you now live in is dirty. It is sad and gloomy and filled with corruption. Any beauty you see now is only a figment, a blurred shadow of the truth.
Think about it FOR REAL, and dont just fly over the words with glazed eyes.
What if by the end of the day you were walking in this place. Because that very well could happen. What are your thoughts consumed by? Perhaps you wonder what you will do with your friends tomorrow. Perhaps you worry about your job, or think about the TV show you are watching.
SNAP out of it. Your TV show is fake... it is a dillusional fantasy. Your job is meaningless. If you die today, what good does your job do for you tomorrow? What good do all the coins in the world do for you, bunched up in the bloated pockets of your decaying corpse?
Life is but a breath, even if you live to your old age. Each day goes by and it is a shadow of the next. This will happen so fast that all the years of your life will not be enough to satisfy your wrinkled smile.
How funny, that you cling to this world as if it were worth something. I tell you, the place you live in now compared to the place the Father has prepared for His children... is like the difference between dung on the bottom of your shoe and the purest rain falling from white clouds, peirced through by the most brilliant light immaginable.
It's your choice: Lick the dung off your shoe and chew on it - Savor it until there is none left. Or discard it and run through the grassy field barefoot, soaking in the brilliant rays of light shining through the soft falling rain.
Which do you choose?
THAT is the stark difference. Yet most people live like zombies, licking the putrid excrement off their dry, cracked, crusted feet with miserable joy. Their eyes are glazed to the amazing sight before them.
I tell you what, the thought of licking excrement off my foot makes me want to puke.

If I die today, I will be in happiness. I want God to take me now! I could discard everything that is going on in my life right now, however good it may be, realizing that its such a joke compared to reality.

If God wants me to die, its his choice, and I will be in paradise with him forever. If he wants me to stay here a little longer, I can live everyday to its fullest purpose and without fear or want of anything, because I know all is meaningless compared to whats in store for me. I will do the biddings of my Father till he calls me home.

I am dead already, so death cannot take me. I am more alive than the living, because the life I have is unaffected by death.
.

Sakura

Its been awhile since I last journaled. Alot has happened in a short amount of time; more inward even than outward. God has really been at work in me. We've seen some cool sights, been to a few parks. The Sakura trees are in bloom, or at least they were in bloom. They are beautiful, my favorite tree in the whole world and they are a big deal for the Japanese people. They hold special festivals for 2 whole weeks while the trees are in bloom.

One day we visited the Senzoku ike park, where there were alot of sakura trees. I was able to take some pictures and eat some interesting food. As I walked through the beautiful park filled with sakura trees, I was held captive by its serenity. The trees formed white and pink archways, and as I walked underneath them, sakura petals floated down onto my head. The wind sometimes blew the falling petals everywhere. It was almost like snow, huge soft snowflakes. But instead of being cold, the air was filled with the sweet fragrance of the sakura flowers. There were sakura trees everywhere...

Japanese families were all gathered in the clearing having picnics in the grass and dirt, which was covered in fallen sakura petals. They spread out their blankets and strollers and soaked in the beauty of this once-a-year event. It was fun watching the little Japanese children run around and play under the sakura trees. Past the clearing was a lake, and the clear blue sky reflected off it. Swan boats moved back and forth across the the still water as little ducks chased them. I think it was because the people in the swan boats were feeding them bread or something.

Me and a few other people walked around the lake on special pathways that stood a few feet over the lake. Some stalls were set up on the outskirts of the lake for the festival. I decided to try some of the interesting Japanese foods they were selling. One was called "Taco Yaki" and no, its not a taco. "Taco" means "octopus" and I think "yaki" means "fried." "Octopus fried", mmm yummy. Basically its a fried ball filled with Japanese mayo and... octopus chunks. On the outside of the fried ball the vendor squeezes extra mayo on top like you would put whipped cream on pie. Anyway it was way too hot (temperature-wise) and the size of the ball made it a giant mouthful. We're talking puffy cheeks here. There was an explosion of scalding hot mayo and octopus chunks. Sort of tasty, but definitely damaging to my mouth. I also had something called "okonomiyaki." Apparently its supposed to be really delicious. Let me explain the horrid nature of the okonomiyaki. Its considered to be a pancake or something. It involves dry, tasteless cabbage, bean sprouts, some sort of fried doughy stuff (which honestly was like chewing mattress foam) and a special sauce called "okonomiyaki sauce" (its like extra thick, extra strong steak sauce), a mountain of mayo (it must be a Japanese thing... I asked for a small amount. I shiver to wonder what normal would be) and to top it off, an abundance of fish flakes... so, so tasty.

So... consensus on the new foods I tried: Taco yaki: tasty, but too hot, perhaps if the balls were smaller it would be better. Okonomiyaki: really disappointed in this one, perhaps it was just the vendor. But when you feel like you are chewing on mattress foam seasoned with an ocean of steaksauce-mayo, something isn't right.

Moving on, there was a Shinto shrine nearby with some old, moss-covered stone steps leading up to it. Some people in our group went to go pray against the shrine. I went off and took a picture of an old guy sitting at a bench. Oh, and I also found a monkey doing tricks and took a picture of him too. That reminds me. Just the other day, I saw a Japanese lady walking her monkey. He was walking on two feet and wearing a diaper. I said "konnichi wa" (Hi or good day in Japanese) and the monkey stopped and stared at me. The poor lady couldn't get him to start walking again, too bad I didn't have a camera...

Anyway, sorry, I had a random moment.

I really loved the sakura trees. The Japanese people in general seem to be really depressed all the time. However, when the sakura bloom, their faces light up and they seem really happy. I think the Japanese people really appreciate beauty... I like that about them.

Arrival

April 5th, 2010 - TOKYO

I took a plane from Denver to Vancouver, and from there to the Narita Airport in Japan. It was a long flight from Vancouver to Narita... and many Japanese people who were returning home surrounded me on the plane. Basically, everyone on the plane was Japanese. The experience would have gone by quicker had the TV screen worked, but they were having technical difficulties. Only like half the screens on the plane worked... luckily, I brought a couple books in my carry on. I quickly devoured the books and found myself being tortured as I saw a little Japanese girl somewhere in front of me watching the movie Avatar. I pulled out my laptop to start working on writing my book some more, but found myself getting a headache soon after and put my laptop away.

I was somewhat entertained by the Japanese lady sitting next to me and her two kids who were in the seats in front of us. She had ordered some wine in a bottle from the flight attendants passing by and she drank all but a fourth of it. Her son, who i'm guessing was about 5, would wait till she was looking a way and then reach between the crack between his seat and his sisters seat to grab the unattended wine sitting on his mom's tray. I would sort of laugh, and the mom would catch him before he got a sip.

I was met at the airport by the YWAM staff holding up a sign with my name on it. I met all the other fellow students at the airport as well. Their names are: Cody, Jerome, Pete, Min joo, and Sharayah. The staff members: Ryan, Chloe, Hege, Kyle, Brandon, Derrik, and Olivier.

Anyway.... Ryan, Olivier, and Chloe were the ones who picked us up and they were are guides as we headed to the YWAM house in the Meguro district of Tokyo. It was raining, and I was wearing shorts, yay...

We stacked our luggage in the back of a van to be transported to the house, and we ourselves headed toward the train. By the way, train is the number one source of travel in Tokyo. Cars are very expensive to buy and to pay for gas or parking so most people just walk and take the train. Its an everyday thing, buying train fare is so common I would compare it to filling up at a gas station back in America. People use the trains to get to and from school, to and from work Tokyo is such a big city, it could probably fit 5 Denvers in it. 34-37 million people live in Tokyo... thats like the entire population of California fitting into one city. Traveling by train from Narita station to the Senzoku station in Meguro took a couple hours.

When we arrived at the house and met the rest of the Staff, and our leader "David McDaniel." He's like a giant teddy bear, and he has a long curly goatee. He is a very funny guy, I think I'm gonna like him.

Introduction

Alright, so I decided it would be a good idea to have a blog of my journey here in Japan. I've already been in Japan for 3 weeks, so some of the beginning is going to be catch up. I'm also pressed on time so I will probably be playing catch up alot. It is going to mostly line up with my journal, which I have in written form. I'm going to cover personal experiences, scenery, culture, food and maybe some other random stuff. Enjoy...